my favourite part of the trip was looking at the map of australia in the back of the in-flight magazine.
the little dotted lines between cities.
the way it looked like a game of
whatever that game with the strings between the fingers was
a spider web with an almost hollow centre

the runner up was the cuttlery
a plastic wrapped white plastic fork, knife and tea spoon
paper napkin
refersher towlette (lette not towel the lette meant it was moist and folded up and in its own little package and smelt like only refresher towlettes smell)
salt and pepper in little packages
and sugar

and I feel ill.

Its like living in a land where I'm pre-mentstral all the time but don't know it- except I know it. Life coming up to me saying, "You're not going to feel crash hot all week- just giving you a heads up."
Thanks life for the heads up.

Twently minutes to go on the work phone.
18 minutes to go on the work computer.

20 minutes to go on the mobile.
I think I need to pack up and go home.
I'm not sure when that flight leaves.
I'm not sure where that place is.
Alex its not just going to happen you know this right?
Right.
No I mean it.
I know you do.
You have to get out there and make it.
Happen?
Yes make it happen.
But what about unmaking it?
What about the dreams- what about that thing she said in the song, oh I can't remember who, about how its losing the dreams from the very beginning. Admitting defeat. The tragedy is not giving up its falling in love in the first place.
If we didn't do that, there would be nothing to lose.

Feet
in a wave
you feel the wave go past hard and you have to fight to get through
the worst is knowing that when it sucks back
to assist in the forming of the next wave
that its going to be that backward force that pulls your feet out from underneath you